Another Hangover Poem

With thanks to Shellity, for replacing the crap bits with much better bits.

I thought last night I exercised sufficient moderation,
So why now do I suffer nausea, pain and constipation?
I didn't really drink that much - two beers, or maybe three,
And some scotch - or was it bourbon? And a Long Island Iced Tea.
I remember everything I did, up 'til my third martini,
Which I gargled to the tune of 'Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini'
And I'm sure I kept my clothes on, even after four Spumantes
There's some other explanation for my disappearing panties.
But I think I danced a pas de deux atop a bathroom sink,
And I think my dancing partner was a hugely potent drink,
And I think I got arrested, and I called the cop a prick,
So I think I'll go away now and be copiously sick.